Randomness

Well, I was told that I need to update my blog...thanks Miss Efficient ;) Anyway I thought I would take a little break from my normal blog style and just tell you a few things about myself...oh, and lacking originality, I took the questions from Kim...but not the answers!


Who's Who

* What is your husband's name?
His name is Brian, which is, as original as mine. Seriously, we have several friends with our names...that's what you get for having great names.

* How long have you been married?
Brian and I have been married for a blessed 5 1/2 years.

* How old is he?
Can I tell you how this blog was not supposed to be about him? He likes minimal Brian talk...but he is 34...and yes, that may be younger than me...I'm quite okay with that.

* Who's taller?
Yea, Brian is way taller by like 8 inches! I never have to worry about losing him in a crowd. Funny thing is, Gavyn is going to pass me up before he is probably out of middle school.

* Who can sing the best?
Brian, definitely Brian.

* Who is smarter?
Me. No wait, I'm older, not smarter. That's the problem with wisdom vs. intelligence, you never quite know which to root for. Anyway, with age is wisdom, but true intelligence...I'm smiling...Brian.

* Who does the laundry?
90%-me
10% a load with 3 -5 items in the "load"-Brian

* Who pays the bills?
Oh Geez..we are switching that to Brian...that is definitely not my strong point. I prefer to keep on the spending side of things.

* Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
When you are facing the bed, Brian sleeps on the right side. Now there is an exception to this. When we had Emilia, we kept the bassinet on the right side of the bed, so I slept on the right side because, there is a chair on that side of the bed and I DO NOT nurse in bed, because I am always afraid I would fall asleep. Then Emi would fall asleep and well, me being the safety freak that I am, know that the rate of SIDS goes up if you sleep with your baby...so then I sleep on the right side so I don't increase the risk of SIDS. Long answer, I know.

* Who mows the lawn?
Brian. I grew up on a farm and mowed all high school so I feel that I have done my share of lawn mowing...for the rest of my life. I have on occasion offered to call the neighbor boys. That is my idea of mowing the lawn.

* Who cooks the meals?
Generally I do. Brian is trying to help on the weekend though. I really struggle to cook 5 times a week 3 times a day. ( As long as I am being honest, I cook 4 days a week 3 times a day and on one day a week, the kids and I eat out lunch and Friday night is pizza and a movie night.)

* Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?
Me.

* Who kissed who first?
Oh yea...I have to consult Brian on this, but it was great. We were walking around looking at Christmas lights and the ground was all covered with snow. Beautiful. Perfect.

* Who wears the pants?
We really bounce the pants around. Honestly, I wear them a lot, ('cause I do the laundry..so I get to them first.) but we usually consult each other with most decisions.

Okay,I love ya all!
Jenn

Do you know how many posts I wrote in my mind?

I think I have written at least two posts a day in my mind...but when it comes to putting them in writing it seems too difficult...too permanent. I want to catch up with all the things going on in our lives; all the questions and some of the answers. First, I want you to know that we are doing okay. We have never gotten angry at God (at least not yet) and we continue to feel loved by His presence in our lives.

On December 17, Brian and I went to consult with a perinatologist (high risk OB). He was very kind and told us that he feels that Harrison simply compressed his cord. He could have rolled over on it, or even held on to it. A compressed cord takes only 8-10 minutes before it will take the life of a child. The risk of this happening is about 1 in 1,000. That risk factor will not change in the event that we decide to get pregnant again. We felt pretty reassured by his consult. He also told us that in the event of another pregnancy, he would probably want to take the baby early, as early as 36 weeks.

Now I must tell you that Harrison was to be our final addition to the family. He was, and still is, so wanted. My arms still ache. But if we could have a healthy child, one that breathes on this earth...well, I would love that. We still want baby sounds in our house. We could never replace Harrison, nor would we try to. So...we (okay, I) thought that I could not go through another pregnancy again on September 14. I am not normally superstitious, but I miscarried on that date in 2007 and Harrison probably died on that date in 2008. Now the only way to get around this, was to get pregnant right away again, or to wait a year. (I’m not getting younger people and I would like to attend their HS graduation without the assistance of a wheelchair.) So we decided that if God would allow us to get pregnant right away, then that would be amazing.

And He did, for six days I knew we were pregnant. Six great days. And then I miscarried, again. Only this time, I never saw a heartbeat. This time, the child never made it that far. Now don't get me wrong, this felt very wrong, and I felt very slighted by God. But we are okay. We've been through a lot worse. We rely on God. My amazing doctor (Dr. Jones…or the doctor I love, as we call her in this house and yes, we love many doctors in this house, but she’s MY doctor) called me and told me that my progesterone was very low and my thyroid was three times the normal amount. (I have Hashimato's disease...it's an autoimmune thyroid disease.) This baby didn't have a chance. But these things are easily treatable, just medication adjustments really. So folks, that's where my mind has been; five pregnancies, three births, two beautiful children here on earth, one baby I held who is now in heaven, two more I never held that are also in heaven. It's a lot really. A lot for this mama. God is still good. I know that, I have always known that.

As for what this means for our future...God only knows. He's really the only one who has ever known. We'll leave that up to Him to lay on our hearts. We love Him. He will guide us. He has never left us. We are absolutely certain of that.

Love,
Jenn

A little pick-me-up

Hmmm...God knew I needed this today. Funny how this video literally appeared in my lap.


Please don't forget to pause the playlist.




Love,
Jenn

HUGS

What a good week to get a "hug" award...I really needed this. Thank you Mrs.B

Words of comfort are always welcome here. Thanks!

I'm sending this award on to my four blogging buddies. I love you all!

Here's to

Melanie...my grieving mommy blogfriend.
Jill...my sweet, super helpful, and faithful friend.
Jodi...new in this blogging world, and a very funny mom!
Kim...how could I hang on without you?

Love,
Jenn

Does it ever feel like a lonely world?

I have had a rough day, as you may notice from the title. I would really welcome some good news coming my way. I know there is plenty out there, I do. I really believe it, but today the world seems cold, gray and sad. (Since the weather outside is 3 degrees and I don't believe the sun came out...it looks that way too.) Anyway, it is hard on days like this to remember His goodness. To trust in His ways. But I will still follow...I would like to know where I am going, but I'm working on this life in the present thing. I think God appreciates my effort. I'm honest. I try not to promise what I can't hold true to. And yes, I completely used the word try, even though I hate that word. I think people should do better than try. They should just do...but that's the way it is for me right now. My effort is in it, sometimes my expectations are just out of wack.

Gavyn's preschool teacher is burying her 21 year old son Friday. She is an amazing woman and so warm and caring to Gavyn. I can only imagine how warm and loving she was to her own son. Our hearts go out to her family right now.

Just a crappy day. At the same time, I made delicious soup today and Gavyn and I made a wish with the wishbone of the chicken...Do you know what that sweet boy wished for? (I was fearful it was going to be a toy.) He said I just want to have a happy family. He won by the way. And healing will happen...slowly, but surely. Happiness is out there waiting for us.

Love,
Jenn

Calling all prayers.

I just returned from the hospital, where I spent time with a family that just delivered a beautiful boy, Zachary, straight into Jesus' hands. It is not my story to tell, but I want to ask you for prayers for them tonight. I wish I could say I do not know the pain, but I do and I struggle with the ways of the world tonight. I ask that God reveals Himself to this family, that He provides them with the quiet wishes of His love and that they are able to see His ways, as painfully tragic as this is.

I ask that God is the first to walk in the hospital room when they recieve visitors, and that it is His ways that guide our words and thoughts.

I request that God sits with all the parents that have lost their children, that parents know the love they feel from God is so much greater in Heaven and that is where their children live. No matter what the age of a child, I believe God takes them all in, no matter what choices they made while here on earth. My God is a merciful one, I know that.

Thank you for praying with me,
Jenn

Happy Holidays.

Ahh...some of you are just getting our holiday cards. I have to tell you this was THE hardest year to mail them out. Again, so many expectations that are not a part of reality. However, I want to share the explanation behind the picture I choose.

I had to take their own photo this year, it had to be a very private moment. I had planned on having someone else take them, but God intervened and that didn't work out...I just have to trust in His ways. I was having such a hard time dealing with the fact that there would only be two children in the photo, it just didn't feel right.(Of course it wouldn't feel right...) Then in stepped my church family. Three amazing families had given us Build A Bear gift cards. One bear for each child...Gavyn , Emilia, and Harrison. So there you have it. That is our little Harrison bear in the high chair. Fitting isn't it? All three children, one up high in the Heavens.
Love,
Jenn

Thank you for the amazing gift.

Is this really my first post of the year?!?!

Update:
*I did not spend most of the evening loading this video, only to find out I loaded it for private view only. (Sorry, it's ready now!)
Okay, once again I had a very big NOT ME moment! Let's see...here it goes...

*I did not go to Walmart the other day with my totally Christmas-toy-spoiled kids and sweet Emilia did not beg (Sweetly) that she just loved THIS Barbie and her puppy..ruff, ruff.

*I did not have visions of many years ago when I played Barbies and yearn for those days.

*I did not think I could recreate these childhood moments with my two year old.

*I did not say (happily) sure, she could get the Barbie, after all it was on sale.

*This is not a video of said Barbie's dog. (Don't forget to pause the playlist.)



*That was not Innocent Emi saying "He poop it out!"

*That was not my four year old boy saying (off camera) I want one too!

Have a laugh!
Jenn