Me time

I am posting in the middle of the day...I know you are wondering where Gavyn and Emi are...blessed are moms helpers. Wait, I think that should read blessed are moms who have helpers! Way too many years ago, I was a nanny for two of the sweetest girls and somehow in the blink of an eye, they grew up. Now the oldest is going to middle school just blocks from my house and she comes on Wednesday to help out. We can't wait for her younger sister to (hopefully) do the same in a couple of years. This is my sanity time of the week.

So I sit up in my room, usually, and try to find peace in the world. Sometimes that means a little Bible study, or laundry folding, or even a little Oprah time. I really try to make this "me" time. So much of the time as a mom, I try to be busy at whatever I have going on in my life and I tend to forget that me time is necessary. This is my time to just be still. It is whatever brings a little joy in my life.

I hope that everyone has a little of this time. I know for some it is the drive to/from work, before bed, or exercising in the morning (definitely not for me, ha, ha!). Seriously, I hope that sometime you have a little time to just sit and commune with God and do what you need.

So that's my post for now...I have to get back to my "me" time.

Love,
Jenn

I dreamt last night of upcoming outreach events at our church and of our cat Lex. I dreamt I was still pregnant with our sweet Harrison and that my life was back to normal; back to what I dreamt it should be. Then I wake up to a normal that feels harsh.

How is it that we lose babies? How is it that Kim isn't holding her Tess? How is it that I still get up in the morning, knowing this?

God's grace.

I am blessed, I really am. I walk with a Father that knows me. He knows everything about me. My good things, my bad things and all the thoughts I have. He has shown me love and grace. Even while I am screaming at Him, He holds me even tighter.

But Satan can sneak in at the trickiest times. (He keeps sending me coupons...;0)

My sweet little Emilia wants a big girl bed. She also wants to start going tinkle on the potty. Could she please remember to slow down? Mommy likes her little one.

Gavyn is planning out his birthday parties. (Yes, I said parties.) He didn't even acknowledge last years birthday, I guess he's moving on and growing up at the same time. Five, what a big number.

I am sitting here and it feels a bit of of whack, but I suppose it may feel that way for a while. Some days, I feel halfway "normal" then someone asks how many children I have, or I see a six month old and think how adorable they look. Ya know, the "check out my independence" age, where sitting up is so amazing and standing on those wobbly knees while you hold onto both hands seems like the world has just been discovered. Those moments that I remind myself, I will have with Harrison in the land of forever.

So tonight, I write with a heavy heart, but there is joy in there too. Heaviness reminds me of all the moments I have. Those moments seem more colorful when I know what grey looks like.

Love,
Jenn

ps. I was just out blog hopping and linked to this amazing group of women. What supportive, smart women. Makes you want to check it out, doesn't it?

There are moments in our life that replay in slow motion and other moments that fly by too quickly. I know God is standing by us as we go through all those moments, but sometimes in the heat of it all, it feels that He has left us here stranded in the in-between where there are no words to say how hurt we are. This is one of those moments. My dear friend, Kim, has held, for the third time, a baby that has remained in her arms for too short a period of time. She has two sweet children here on earth, two angels in heaven and now... I am devastated to say, her daughter, Tess Marie, has a birthmom that changed her mind. Please, lift up this amazing family in your prayers. We love them so much.

Lord,
We just pray for you to stand here, holding Kim,Micah, Ella, Carter, Ty, Lucy and baby Tess in your loving arms. We pray that You help us make some kind of sense of this mess we witness. We pray that in the hurt, devasted moments that we can find Your name to praise. We know You are strong Lord, so hold us tight, show us how to praise You.
In Jesus name we pray.
Amen

Love,
Jenn