Just being real

I have to use this blog to be real and honest, because really what else could I do? Things are pretty rough for me emotionally. I make it through the days okay, but nights are...a lot more trying. Let me kinda walk through what I am doing to ensure that this baby is born here on earth first.

I am doing kick counts three times a day, so for 30 minutes after every meal, I lay down on my left side and count how many times there is movement. Dr. J and I have decided to count up to 25 kicks and then I write down the amount of time it took to get there. She says although we are doing a lot more medically, this chart will be the best measure of whether this baby is in trouble. If she slows to 10 kicks in the amount of time that she usually kicks 25, then I should head in.

I am testing my blood sugar 4 times a day, which is going well right now. I get a little low at night, so we are increasing my snack at night. The problem with that is, I test right at 110-118 after my dinner, so I have been trying to watch my carbs, but then they drop way low at night. I guess I can just move it to a midnight snack!

Once I am able to get to sleep at night, it doesn't always last real long. Sometimes I can get in three hours, sometimes five. Then I have a bit of an emotional letdown. The thing is, I was right here last year, only I was excited and happy. Now, I miss Harrison, have overwhelming emotions of remembrance and grieve not only for him, but for all the things I am not doing for his sister. As hard as I try, I can't get excited over her.

I feel bad that I get a bit upset when people who don't know me, act all excited and want me to tell them when she is due and then ask Gavyn and Emi if they are excited. Gavyn and Emi know that not every baby is born to this earth and quite frankly, we will believe it when she cries. So these poor people who are just politely inquiring, probably think we are crazy when we shrug. Occasionally I politely smile...ya know, just like an international visitor who doesn't speak English.

As for the medical side of things, August 10 will start my bi-weekly appointments. We will do non-stress tests on Mondays and biophysical profiles on Thursdays. We will continue this until October 1 and then we will arrange for an aminio and hopefully, inducement. Dr. B. and I have really discussed inducement at 37 weeks. It seems like there has been all this research about weeks 37-39 being very important to prevent learning disabilities, but we all feel that the risk is to high to wait any longer than 37 weeks. So that is that. 9 weeks and 2 days to go.

I have also been asked to give input to the hospital to help them better serve the needs of parents who lose a child. I started putting together a list, I just want it to come across in a loving manner. Please let me know if there is something that you think I should make sure to talk about.

Okay, Gavyn and Emi just helped themselves to treats...15 minutes before dinner, so I better finish up!

Love,
Jenn

A weekend of fun... and a few not me's!

Trips for our family are always a bit of an adventure. There are last minute "guys" that need to be thrown in the truck and a gas tank that needs to be completely full and we shall absolutely forbid a trip without a bag of snacks and fresh sodas from the gas station. Lest I say, usually an hour has surpassed before we truly hit the road. So, with this weekend being no exception, we arrived at my sisters promptly an hour and a half later than I had planned. It was a good weekend though and the kids had a great time just hanging out together. Gavyn and his cousin Ainsley are practically inseparable. Although it was too cold to go swimming, it was a great day for the park.

So when we left my sister's house, I said to her "May the ride home be much quicker." Of course, the Lord knew it wouldn't be! It was however, a bit more prayer filled. Two hours into it, our tire blew out on the interstate and it turns out AAA can be a bit frustrating. After two more hours passed, we were able to make our way back on the road. I thank God for patient kids, a great driver of a dad, cool weather, the guy that came quickly once we got the correct AAA call center and so much more. So six and one half hours later, we arrived thankfully home! (It's a four hour trip!)

Now, it's been one of those weeks where I must unload my conscience. Here are a few of my NOT ME! moments:

*I was not so happy when I failed my glucose tolerance test. I did not practically thank the nurse for my poor test results thinking how this pregnancy resembled that of Gavyn and Emilia's (I had gestational diabetes) and less like Harrison's (I did not)

*My girlfriend did not know I would feel this way and congratulate me on my poor sugar levels. That did not make me love her even more.

*I did not have to go potty really bad after an hour and a half into the trip home from my sister's, and think to myself I can hold it another hour before we stop. I did not think as our tire practically exploded "Where am I going to go potty now?" I did not think seriously about using one of Emi's diapers and then see the AAA guy pull up beside us.

*When a brief storm hit and knocked out the electricity for a few minutes, Gavyn did not tell me the batteries in the house needed to be replaced. Five year olds do not think everything runs on batteries.

*I did not decide to "take the day off" and make sleeping bags for Gavyn's little McDonalds Ty critters instead of cleaning.

And finally...

*Emi does not sneak upstairs and put pull ups on because she is too lazy to use the potty. When I told her to change back into her panties, she did not tell me "Stop throwing a fit. I'm getting my panties." She is not only 2.

Love,

Jenn

My Best Friend

Six years ago today I married my very best friend. We have grown, learned and loved way more than I could have ever imagined. I am so thankful that the path God led me on included Brian.

I love you Brian!

Jenn

Playing Ketch-up

Oh, I know how can I use that as my title? Well if you know this family, you know that which brand you buy matters a lot, so as I was writing the title correctly (catch-up, not ketch-up) I had to change the spelling. Brian works for the company that produces Hunts, NOT that other brand...so anytime I hear ketch-up, this is were my mind goes. (I think my non-pregnant mind concentrates better then this!)

Just wanted to let you know what is going on in our lives. We have really tried to enjoy more of summer and less of everything else. Gavyn has only had a sprinkling of play dates and we have all really enjoyed having everyone here. The company that Brian works for has a summer hours plan that gives all the employees half days on Friday, which has given us even more family time. We've actually gotten quite a bit done on these days. (Usually, they have been less productive then any other day of the week!)

Emi is just about completely potty trained. I have started entrusting her out of the house with panties on. She has done an excellent job. She also announced last week that she would no longer be sleeping in her crib and has been doing an amazing job in her big girl bed!

Unfortunately, this sudden move to complete independence left us with a crib to place...I wish I could say the decision was easy. We really debated what to do. It seemed silly to take it apart and put it in the basement, but setting up the room we have called Harrison's also seemed out of place. We ended up putting the crib in our sitting room off our bedroom. I am not setting the room up as a nursery yet, but the crib is located in there and I hope that at some point I feel that we can prepare our house for a baby. I may have to bring our little girl home before this happens though. I also have to give myself some slack and realize that this is okay and quite frankly a bit natural for me. (You know, embrace the new normal kind of thing.)

Gavyn has been a huge helper this summer. He plays extremely well with Emi and has more patience than either Brian or I. He still creates arts and craft activities in mind numbing frequency, but he does a good job picking up, so I can't complain. He also likes setting up businesses and selling things. The other day he wanted to go buy a bunch of toys and sell them to his friends...always my entrepreneur.

Baby girl is doing well. She is right on target for her size. We start our weekly appointments tomorrow. We will rotate every other week between Dr. Jones and our high risk OB, Dr. Bonebrake. Our plan at this time is to make it to 37 weeks and do an amnio, then if that is good, we will induce. I think 12 more weeks is seriously all I can handle, yet I desperately want to make it there. I talk a lot to God about these desires of mine. I know he hears me...I just want him to listen and do what I say! Sometimes it is hard to sit back and let Him be the Father.

I am going to leave you with some pictures of our summertime activities...

Wow! Am I ever growing!

Swim time!

Gavyn and Daddy on the Skyfari at the zoo.

"They've got the whole world..."

Relaxation time.

Love,
Jenn