Christmas Lights

We spent the afternoon inside just resting after a long day yesterday. Weekends go by so fast. Tonite, on a whim, I decided it would be a good night for a drive to enjoy Christmas lights. Gavyn had seen the Grinch out in a neighborhood and had been anxiously awaiting the opportunity to show Brian. Tonite seemed like as good as a time as any. So we set off. Gavyn and Emi were so excited to see the lights. Gavyn even brought a paper along; he wanted to write a thank you to the grinch household. Nothing like the grinch to excite a boy!

As we are driving the tears start. Harrison would have, should have, been getting big enough to see all those colors. And all I can think off is "Will God please hold you, Harrison, and show you all these colors?" How I wish I could string lights up to honor the birth of my baby too.

I was at a meeting this week and the devotion given was on fear versus faith based decisions. It has stuck with me all week. Out of fear, I have tried to think of any time that I could have changed things. Out of faith, I went through 36 1/2 weeks of pregnancy. Out of faith, my mind did not take me to the death of my child until it was true. Out of faith, I must emerge. Fear is so powerful though. Balancing faith with a healthy dose of realism is often hard too. I can have faith that God will care for all my children, but I still have to buckle Emilia and Gavyn up...see what I mean? Faith based...not fear based...crushing satan out of the picture...glorifying God...

This weekend we took a tree to Harrison's grave. We enjoyed decorating it ourselves. Every year we put little trees in the kids' room. We wondered last year if we would have to buy another...so different than what we wanted. I just keep focussing on the fact that I have a short time here on earth and will have forever with Harrison in Heaven. (God's planet, according to Gavyn)

Gavyn took this picture of Brian and I. Harrison's tombstone will not be in place until spring. I would love to redo the sign...but I have yet to go ask if I can do this. We love him.


In honor of Harrison this Christmas season, I am giving all the profits of the Usborne book sales to Make-a-wish and March of Dimes, the books earned from the sales will go to the Children's Hospital. If you would like to order please do so by this weekend. The books ship straight to your house and usually leave the warehouse within 24 hours. My favorite are always in the top 50 books. If you have questions, please email me. Just click Harrison to go to the website.

Jenn