Oh what a week...

I feel as though it has been at least a month long. So many emotions. So many prayers. Gavyn and I had quite the long talk about why Christmas is SO important. He is at an age where the concepts of here on earth and there in heaven are becoming more real to him. So we talked. We talked about how God choose to give us His son here on earth, how Jesus was so amazing and that even though God knew Jesus would die for us, He still choose to send him. We talked about how Jesus died to make it possible to go to heaven. We talked about how God has the ability to change things, but does not always do what we want and how we have to trust in Him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

As we talked, I thought, through my tears, about this trust I usually have. I have to be honest, it is a trust that has in the last few months, been tested. And tested, and tested.

Christmas is a time for celebration, but Satan made a brief appearance on Christmas Eve. No actually, he took up a chair in my house and spent most of Wednesday seated next to my Christmas tree. Really. I felt that yuck of insecurity all day. Feeling betrayed by God and abandoned by Him. Even though Satan was in my house, I kept praying. I prayed that God would come to me and hold me tight, that He would help me see all the beautiful moments in my life, that He would reassure me. God prevails. He simply prevails.

Christmas day was better. Much better, because during the night, I recieved a letter.

Dear Mommy, Daddy, Gavyn and Emi,

Merry Christmas family! This is my first Christmas card, and since I’m new at this letter writing thing, I’ve asked for some help. I’ve made some great friends here in Heaven and my friend Lucy who’s done this before showed me just what to do. I was a little worried my letter might not make it to you in time, but then God told me that the Christmas letters you are sending this year were still sitting on a UPS truck in North Carolina, and I didn’t feel so bad.

Everybody here sure is excited for Jesus’ birthday and says that it’s just incredible, which is hard to believe since every day here is pretty incredible! I know it’s been hard for you to feel merry about Christmas this year since we’re not all together, but if you could see me now, you wouldn't be sad. When I got here, I met Jesus first thing, and He is amazing. He explained everything, why we couldn’t be together just yet, and all the amazing things God still has planned for each of you. He told me not to share anything just yet, but Gavyn keep throwing lefty and Emi keep practicing making Mommy and Daddy’s ouchies better, and everything will turn out great.

I really want to thank each of you for the gifts you have given me each day since you all held me at the hospital. They are the best Christmas presents in the whole world. Mommy, your love for me is like a cuddly blanket wrapped around me. I can feel you holding me tight from Heaven. Daddy, I know you think of me lots and love me too. Gavyn and Emi, you two give me so much joy watching you play, especially the fun toys you get into in my closet and the mess you leave for Mommy to clean up. I miss you all much, but am surrounded by your love for me. I love you so much too.

The gift I wanted to give to you for Christmas is a simple reminder of God’s amazing love for each of you and I hope you take the time to surround yourself in that love every day.

Your son and brother forever and ever,
Love, Harrison

P.S. Lexipoo didn’t realize just how much Emi had to say, until just these last few weeks, but he really loves their daily chats now!

I love you!
Jenn