Learn and Grow

I opened the mail today to see this beautiful card inside...

No words inside, just the tag "Give Yourself Room to Learn and Grow"

Learning and growing...and room. Powerful concepts that sometimes have me completely down on my knees.

Oh Lord, Help me here.

There are times that life seems fairly normal again. I really want to reconnect with the friends that have those little babies...which I realize are not so little anymore...but then fear sets in. And I have to take a deep breath. In. Out. No hyperventaliating on this shift.

Then I dust Harrison's room. His little locks of hair call me. Such moments are devastingly hard all over again. I put Gavyn's clothes away, only to see the matching outfits I had bought my boys. I accept that God has a plan, I know His love...it doesn't change how much my arms ache, or how I imagine what Harrison's cry would sound like. I wish I could hear him cry.

Give me room. Breathe. Room that I may learn and grow.

While we are at the Magic Kingdom...really magical kingdom in my mind...we were watching the fireworks on the last night there. Sweet Tinkerbell comes floating down from Cinderella's castle during the best song...Dreams are wishes your heart makes. I can't even tell you how many silent tears came down my cheek; how my sweet hubbie gave me that gentle touch, knowing where my dreams were right then. Through my dreams, my wishes, there is growing.

I am learning that growing doesn't mean the same as moving on. It is simply growing. According to Wikipedia, growth refers to an increase in some quantity over time. My heart is growing. Harrison, Gavyn and Emilia are equally loved in my heart. There is growing. My heart is both growing and learning with room to spare.

Love,

Jenn

Thanks for the card, Jodi!