I am grateful. Grateful for my children, all three of them; grateful for my husband, who loves me in all circumstances; grateful to my friends, who will do anything for me; grateful to my doctors, who keep searching to answer my questions; grateful to my family for standing by silently; grateful for my God, who can take my questions and love me, all while holding my baby.
We received Harrison's final autopsy report yesterday. It's hard to believe that he could be summed up in three pages, and still with no conclusion. No reason. He was a perfect baby, he always will be.
I am grateful, but not at peace. How can I be? I just keep wondering how this can happen. How can I spend 36 1/2 weeks with Harrison and then...Where is the answer in that? We knew this could be, but I don't think I can accept that. I am not ready to yet.
Dr. Jones is running blood work on me. The pathologist is looking over the placenta, again. I have an appointment with my Internal Medicine doctor tomorrow. I pray for an answer and I ask for understanding. I am not ready for peace.
Jenn
Park City Utah
4 years ago
1 comment:
How did your doctor's appointment go?
I have finally realized that even if we would have been given a tidy little diagnosis as to why our children died, I would have still not understood WHY? ya know? Loosing a child just defies the natural order of things, and I really don't think a WHY would make it any easier... for me anyway. Harrison's legacy depends on you. He fulfilled his purpose on this earth, while still in your womb. God WILL use your loss for his Glory. It just hurts, plain and simple. It hurts worse than any physical pain...I am sure of that. I hurt with you. Your friends and family hurt with you and for you.
Still praying...
~Kim
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